5 Ways to Help a Difficult Child Be Succesful

 Did you just "label" a child!?

We often times as teachers, adults and humans look at a child who is different and immediately classify them in our own brain. Right or wrong, we do it. We decide if we think they are loud, if they are cute, obnoxious, impulsive or challenging. This is a dangerous thing that many of us have done over and over throughout our lives. Why do I say this is dangerous? Because a child who has been classified before they've been given a fair chance to become successful is now playing catch up the rest of their lives. You've classified a kid who is missing something that we could offer.

Kids are ever evolving, absorbing everything that is happening around them to create who they will eventually become. Kids are not yet ANYTHING. They are instead using the world around them to evolve into who they will one day become. Instead of classifying them, think about how you could be the person to help them find the missing piece that would help develop them into someone who is not loud, obnoxious, impulsive or challenging. 

With this in mind, I have posted before about how an individual can help a child be successful. I do not want to debate what needs to be done to parents or adults who may or may not be offering all of the opportunities for kids to develop into a great person. I'm also not interested in petitioning, complaining or debating about our government, because that doesn't help right now. At this point, I'm tired of looking at the other person and giving my opinion on what they could do differently.  What I do want to discuss is what you. what I can do to help a difficult child be successful. I will not point fingers, I instead will work to find the missing piece to help that child be successful.

5 Ways to Help a Difficult Child Be Successful

5) Sensory Integration
Many students, especially younger students have not figured out how to help themselves feel comfortable physically in their environment. A way to help with this is incorporating Sensory Integration. Think about yourself and how you've trained yourself to help you be successful. What do you do when you're in a situation to help you feel comfortable? Personally, I know I have a few things I do. For example; during meetings, sitting at tables, listening to a speaker or in a class I calm myself by putting something in my hand. At dinner in a restaurant I have even been known to destroy a napkin or two while I am sitting there listening and engaging in conversation. I have developed things to help me.  Use this link-----> Sensory Processing Disorder to read about ways to help that child that might need a little help "getting centered".

4) Lagging Skills
I truly believe in the beliefs of Ross Greene who says that "A kid will do well if they can". Often times kids who are struggling haven't been taught necessary skills to handle life's challenges. They don't want to be bad. Instead they have seen things at home, on TV, on the street or at school that have influenced them. Somewhere along the way they've missed key pieces of learning to help them be successful. Help to identify what skills they are missing and then help build those skills up.

Lagging Skill Checklist  

3)Unconventional Thinking
Does the student need a different outlet? Are you having them sit in conformed rows? Forcing them to think very black and white? Instead - Allow them some freedom - Allow them to in fact be a kid while getting the desired end results. If that child can be successful doing his or her work laying on a pillow LET THEM. If that student can get their work done sitting under a table LET THEM. Forget what makes you comfortable, find what helps them.

2) Engage Them
Find something that truly interests a kid. Often times the students that are the most difficult are unengaged, uninterested. You as an educator have to take the time to find out what interests them and allow them the freedom to do that, while working to achieve their academic and social goals.

An example of this is a student that I have worked with who without a doubt was disengaged with everything we were doing at school. Writing, used to be fun. Reading, was sometimes OK. BUT creating his own digital movies = Totally Awesome.

I reached out to a district tech person who guided me towards some digital video creation websites. I then used a rubric that my student had to follow that focused on our goal of establishing a good beginning, middle and end in our writing. We spent time preparing for his animated story by creating a rough draft and creating a story map. We found success! So much success he WANTED to work on it at home. In his mind he HAD to work on it at home. Needless to say, by the end of it he taught me how to use the digital video creator. Here is his work!

 Student Animation

1) Making Connections
Have you connected with the student? I'm not talking about just having that student trust you. I'm talking about, have you gone above and beyond? Have you gone out of your way to be a part of that child's life that no teacher ever has? Have you visited them at home? Have you gone to their sporting event? Have you made that connection with the student that probably no one has ever done before? When you come to a student who you are struggling with, you need to step back and look at what you've done to connect with them. I know of a teacher who comes to their students home and cooks a meal with their family. I know of another who will go running with girls from her class on the weekends. Take these teachers' lead and find your own way to connect.

Making connections is my number 1 because it does not matter if you are an educator, electrician, banker, nurse, farmer, college student or young married couple. You can find a way to make a connection with a child who really truly needs it. The Council Bluffs School District offers a mentoring program; get involved. Almost all cities offer some sort of Big Brother/Big Sister program, get involved. I truly believe it is our responsibility as an adult to find ways to reach out to a child and make a connection with them. Stop talking about it, start making them.

As you close this link, I want you to stop and think about the following:  

I will not point fingers, I instead will work to find the missing piece to help that child be successful.

Forget the Debate

Something in that 20 year olds life was traumatizing. Something traumatized him and because of that, he has now traumatized a country.

Let me begin by stating that I am in no way looking for any sort of debate by writing this article. I am writing it as a way for myself to process what has happened, continue to establish my beliefs in the life that my wife and I are creating and to possibly help people understand my beliefs in why these things are happening. Specifically, the events that recently happened in Connecticut and my belief that mental trauma is the cause of it.  I work with a very distinct population of students who often times suffer some sort of mental trauma. Does this make me an expert? Absolutely not. Does it give me perception? Unmistakeably. Will my beliefs align with yours? Perhaps. Will they enrage you? Perhaps. Will they encourage you to stop and think differently about the world around us? I hope.


I first want to talk about what I believe has created many of the issues we face in our lives today. Mental Trauma.  What is mental trauma? When I personally think of mental trauma I think of an apple.The apple and brain are two things with similar characteristics. How so? An apple by all appearances is a somewhat strong looking object. You could pass it, throw it, you can drop it, you could nick it. An apple looks and appears strong. What may happen though as you look closer at an apple after these things have happened is that you may begin to notice scars, imperfections or "trauma". Now think of our brain. We can do limitless things with it. Some people hold it gently, treat it with a caring respect. Some people essentially throw it, hit it, kick it "traumatize it". Sometimes peoples brains are thrown, hit, kicked, abused, "traumatized" by powers outside of their control.

Mental trauma is as serious an issue as anything going on in our world today. Mental trauma is the problem. Mental trauma is what we can help with.  When and how does mental trauma happen?

• Mental, verbal, physical abuse
• Before, after, or during childhood
• During the teen years
• During adulthood
• Video games (WOW, does it ever)
• Movies 
• Other forms of abuse

Every single second of our lives has the potential to create mental trauma. I firmly believe video games, and lack of quality relationships are the problem. We can sit and argue gun control, we can argue about how to make schools safer, but we need to get to the real issue. The real issue is that our country has a glaring problem of kids growing up with adults who do not protect them, work with them and help develop them to their fullest potential. Instead they are left on their own. They fill gaps of time with video games and video watching.

No matter if you agree or disagree with my statements on mental trauma, I think what is important is that we can all agree that we need to find ways to deal with what is happening in the world around us. How can we make sense of this?

Some people will choose to take the feelings of recent events with hate, anger, disbelief and some might choose to hole it up. Some people will talk about it. Some will write about it. Some people have a belief in a god to help their understanding. Some people may instead choose to have a  belief in "karma", filling our world with a positive energy with the understanding that with enough positive energy, we can help others. Some may believe that our world works in the pendulum effect (all things go far one way, come back to the middle and then far to another). Where do your beliefs fall? What helps you with these events? I can't beg you enough to think about your beliefs, reflect on them and hold strong in them during times like these. You may believe in a god, you may believe in an energy, you may believe in family, you may believe in all. No matter your beliefs, take the time to reflect on them and believe in them. Without your reflection, is when we should become fearful.

Ask yourself:   What are your beliefs
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Stay strong, believe in them.

Now - take your beliefs and think of the people in your life. Are you nurturing them? Are you helping them to nurture their own selves? I have seen countless examples of helpless children who need caring, loving support. I've seen people who want to give help but aren't sure how. I have also seen people who are giving support, but are having to undo the work of previous damage. I know kids who have gone through trauma and abuse, you couldn't begin to imagine. These kids need help, the talk of gun control may be part of the problem but really these kids are the issue.

We could say we need more funding, more support, more workers for our country but that is a long time off. We could sit and argue security or gun control and the debate could and will rage on for years. I'm saying right now you can help, I hope one thing you consider is reflecting on your beliefs and including in them the fact you can make a difference. Stop rushing from here to there, stop walking by that kid sitting by himself and talk. Don't just talk, listen. Stop your life, stop your routine, and help a child start to find something to believe in. In every single corner, of every single town there is a child who needs your support. There is a student, a neighbor, a child who needs to know that someone cares about them, someone to help point them in the right direction.

In almost every city and every school district their are mentor programs, big brother big sister programs and countless other programs for adults to volunteer at. Volunteer at these. Maybe these programs aren't for you. FINE. Reach out to kids in your community. Perhaps your family has considered adoption. Look into it, go to meetings, decide if it's for you. You personally can do something. Help a neighbor kid, build a relationship, help a child discover his or her beliefs. Don't sit back and let the real issues grow. The real issue is that kids need our guidance.  NOW

Ongoing Conversations

Recently I retweeted a tweet by Jason Markey who said "A culture of ongoing professional conversations is so much more important than PD events.". I instantly retweeted it because I read it and it made sense to me. I know that almost always, instant feedback is one of the most powerful forms of feedback that you can receive and/or give. As teachers, instant feedback to our students is powerful; constant conversations with our peers is also just as powerful. With this said, I truly believe instant, ongoing conversations with the people we work with should be the norm. Professional conversations with people you can trust, all the while receiving a possible solution that you have not yet come to see yourself.  Nothing is more frustrating than working on the same problem over and over, and continuing to come up with similar problems.

      Recently I've been dealing with two major issues in my classroom that I've been trying to understand/solve in a way that would benefit my students, my staff and myself. I've internalized these problems and racked my own brain to work to solve them. As I worked on these issues internally, I wasn't making much progress. In a moment of desperation (which in fact, should instead be a daily moment of conversation), I reached out to a trusted coworker. After I convinced myself to listen instead of tell, Angie Lamb was able to guide me in a direction that made sense. She encouraged me to start over, wipe the slate clean with what I think the students know and instead reform the foundation for what I know they are not doing. Today was better, will tomorrow show more growth? 12 hours from now we will know!

    A second example of these constant conversations of growth was today during our weekly professional development that our district offers (which although isn't daily, it is most beneficial). I've been having a specific problem with a specific student in our classroom and what I've tried in my classroom has not been showing me any results. Again, I was trying things over and over, without perhaps thinking of it in a new perspective. Today I brought the problem forward in our professional development and as a team we were able to come up with a solution that not only makes sense to myself, but also makes sense to the team I work with and one we all felt good about. Will tomorrow show me the results we hope? 12 hours from now we will know! 

    What is a way many of us can do this, without perhaps needing to get a chance to talk with a coworker face to face?  Find something you believe in and grab on to them it in social media. Engulf yourself with professionals who believe in the same things you do. Twitter... Facebook... The blogger world. Looking at something from a different perspective is powerful

    What's worth remembering when you get done with this blog? - If you keep coming up with the same results, you're not finding the right solutions. If your solutions aren't on track - Ask yourself - Have you worked with your team yet to get their thoughts?

Preparing

    It's a Monday night, but really it's a lot like a Sunday today. The most important thing for me to get done is to go back over my "rough lesson outline for the week"  that I made at the end of last week and find out how these plans fit for the first couple of days for the upcoming week. For myself, I try to plan a "rough idea of the week" and as the week goes on I tweak these lessons constantly to fit the needs of the student, to fit the needs of the classroom and try to see where the students take my "plan".

   As I do this tonight, I am reflecting back on the lesson that I had the most success with last week. It was interesting because as I looked at my lesson the night before I thought to myself "those students are going to eat that thing alive, it's not deep enough and doesn't offer the students any opportunity to take on their own learning". In my classroom, what I mean by getting eaten alive is that my class will be in a moment of chaos. These students see through weak lessons and lessons that don't challenge them, and they do it like clockwork. Due to this, I knew I needed to make some changes and I was able to come up with what I thought was a great lesson while still achieving the same goal.

   My goal for the lesson was to introduce habitats and how they fit into a community for a book we were going to read for the day. As this lesson was being introduced it started slow, and I could feel the tension in the room grow. The students didn't want any part of it. I was hoping, hoping I could grab their attention and grab it soon, before I lost the chance for what I thought was a great lesson. As I tried to regain their attention I had to introduce 3 key words (habitat, architect and interior) but I knew I had to do it quickly. Luckily for me I had a little help, and soon the classroom energy reached the level of interest and curiosity, the students were essentially engaged. After introducing the vocabulary, we now went on a quick walk through the school to look at what an architect had done to our habitat (our school) and also what he or she had done to the interior of our habitat.

    We discovered some key characteristics and then took some pictures of the architectural features. We came back and discussed why the architect may have done this and also briefly talked about what we would do if we were the architect of our own habitat. We then looked at some blueprints and got to work on our assignment which was being our own "architect", creating an "interior" blueprint of our "habitat". After this we were able to introduce the book we were working on.

    Why am I sharing this brief story with you? It's important for me to look back because I feel as though out of my 15-20 lessons last week this was by far my strongest. Some of my lessons were complete flops and others were just OK.  Being OK and having flops for the students is not an option. So as I plan my rough draft and then look back nightly, I strive, like most educators to create that strong lesson that each and every student can become immersed in. This week my goal is to try to get 2 or 3 of those deep lessons and keep building on that weekly as I really get to know my students.

Keep Learning, Never Give Up, Be A Kids Role Model

THE BEGINNING

    As I sat down to write this blog this evening I had a friend shoot me a text that said I could borrow a tool that I had asked to borrow. I knew with it getting late and him having a new baby in the house I should head to his house before it gets too late. Once I got there, I was quickly reminded that in fact, life is unpredictable by nature. You see, what went from a small conversation suddenly turned into chasing his dog, trying to stop him from going full nose into the back of a skunk on the run. Inevitably, we were a bit too late. Luckily for us, we got to spend the next 30 minutes in his front yard giving his dog a bath in tomato juice, his wife locking the front door and us soaking in the smell of a horrific skunk.

     As I drove home, it helped remind me that no matter how well you think you have it planned, you don't. And if you expect things to always go how you plan, well at some point you're in for heartbreak and disappointment. Let me explain.

    I recently took a job in a new district (CBCSD) after my first two years as a classroom teacher in Treynor, while previously working in the #CBCSD district as a para professional. Maybe traditionally this wouldn't be a huge jump, but this year I was returning to a program that I had once worked at and in my opinion offers some of the greatest challenges and opportunities a teacher could ever encounter. The program is very unique and offers students from all makes of life the chance to have a high quality education in a unique setting that meets their needs specifically.

    This program is something that weighed heavily on my mind while working in the Treynor District. I wasn't sure what about it intrigued me at the level it did, but something in the back of my mind was always tugging at my thoughts. For those of you who aren't familiar, my previous district Treynor is also a tremendous district with an incredible staff and outstanding facilities and support, really first rate. Almost daily though, I would be asking myself if I was doing what I wanted to, what I needed to be doing with my skills.  Once an opportunity came along to work back in CBCSD, I knew that I had to jump at it and return to the program that I first felt passion for education in.

     Without getting into a ton of detail, the program is a tremendous fit for students that meets and exceeds their needs; in my opinion in ways that some districts aren't able to. With all of this said, it offers challenges that I couldn't have dreamed of at my previous job. In just a few short days, I've been challenged in ways that have left me sleepless and leaving work with my brain going in thirty different ways.

    The challenges are great, and at times can be overwhelming. I want to be able to challenge the students in real life, hands-on educational ways where they are exploring, learning and inquiring in ways that will enhance them as members of society. With that said, it's a gentle tight rope of challenging them and not overwhelming them. Differentiating and adapting my instruction for each individual student in my classroom is a constant challenge. So as I went back to work this morning the nerves and expectations I have set continued to fill my mind.

    Suddenly as I walked into my classroom after a brief before school meeting and I saw a few of my students, it was as though the slate had been wiped clean. The day was new and I had the chance to help them again with brand new opportunities. Suddenly I realized what I would be forced to remind myself hours later this evening; no matter how well you think you have it planned you don't, and if you expect things to always go according to plan, you're in for frustration and disappointment.

    I felt as though my previous day was a tough day and I reminded myself that in education the reason tough days sometimes sting so much, is because you are invested so heavily. However, that is the only way to go about life: invested. Learning to meet these new and unpredictable challenges while being heavily invested is one of the most cherish-able opportunities any teacher could ask for.  All the while being ready for the plan to go out the window and meet the needs of the student as it arises.

  This blog will be about the coming days and years where we as a district and program work to help these students be successful in new ways, while sharing with you the awesome and exciting things that can be done with the right team in place.